I require counsel so that the joy and tranquility of the spirit that I experience when I am involved with my spiritual thoughts and with religious concepts and hidden matters will remain with me as well when I perform the mitvot of deed and prayer, and when I deal with the texts of the revealed Torah.
Chadarav, pp. 132-133
There is a depression that comes from spiritual wealth, and there is a joy that comes from a poverty of mind.
How can that be?
[Spiritual] phenomena overwhelm me. Visions of visions come before my spiritual eyes. I gaze into books, into the holiest and most elevated books, and their wellsprings are alive and pour forth. They cause many wellsprings to flow with their primal power into my inner spirit.
And with each vision an inner commotion is born.
[I ask myself:] Where does all this come from? The beginning of the vision and its certainty—where is that drawn from?
And [with this self-questioning], my soul suffers in its sadness [as it contemplates] this joy of its wealth.
[But] this sadness [is good, for it] refines the spirit, sharpens the mind and moistens the richness of spiritual life. And knowledge that comes from the source, and from the source of the source, as well as a very precious ability to heed—[both of which] are great and broad—are born.
And they come with a certainty that is assured, and they raise the soul to a supernal place.
But in that supernal place the question returns anew regarding these new instances of certainty, which comprise a most supernal wealth. It at first makes its appearance with the diadem of its splendor, with the brilliance of its joy, but it is afterwards followed by the question: whose son is this youth? Is he fit to join the congregation?
And that inquiring thought is reawakened, it seeks paths—it seeks [them] and it finds [them]. [So then there comes a] new certainty [that] finds very deep roots in the soul, that comes to the power of deed.
A strong impulse to influence [the world] and to unify a broad circle of life comes and presents itself, until [there is] new ascent, as a result of which everything [before] is forgotten.
All of the previous wealth fades away, and images of a higher world come, a pure atmosphere, pure and fresh. Luminous bodies shine in a form that had never before been imagined. And there is no memory of the past; [there is only] the present and the future, heartwarming and pleasant. Creativity multiplies and certainty rises to its peak.
But [then] an inquiring spirit comes and inserts a new sadness. [But that is] in order to give birth to a supernal joy and the revelation of a rectified world.
“That which was not told to them they saw, and regarding that which they had not heard, they looked.”
Chadarav, p. 113
And what is my constant yearning, or—better put—my set nature, the nature of my spirit and the flow of my thoughts? Only that of starting anew—“in the beginning.”
I always stand at the beginning.
There may be fragmented and confused particles of knowledge—but they will never put me at a remove from the primal point, upon which everything depends.
It is possible that there is something here of a weakness, that I am afraid of too much breadth.
But on the other hand, it is impossible to say that there isn’t a grain of hidden capability that is drawing me to delve into the beginning, into the start of everything, into the foundation of being, into the secret of existence, into the ideal of ideals, into that which is elevated and holy.
Chadarav, p. 126
A person who is constantly pained because of his sins and the sins of the world must always pardon and forgive himself and the entire world.
And in this he draws forgiveness and lovingkindness onto all of existence, and he gives joy to God and joy to people.
First he must pardon himself. And then he draws a general pardon onto everything, starting with that which is closest to him: the extensions of his roots from the aspect of his soul, his family, his friends, his nation, his generation, his world, and all worlds.
And in this he is a “foundation of the world” on the highest level, on the level of the Holy Tongue. And “a soft tongue can break the bone”—the bone of a donkey, “a bone that is evil on the outside”—so that all of the hidden good is revealed in everything.
And then he attains to the blessing of Abraham, whose likeness appears in every generation.
Arp’lei Tohar, p. 54
When our soul sparkles, every time we learn, we look for the universal soul with its lights, which brought those very topics that we are studying into being.
Then the spiritual radiance is revealed with its richness of hues, and a person clings with his spirit to this light, which is the light of a primal, Godly life.
Then blessing increases entirely--on this person’s soul and on everything.
And then this person ascends upon the rising path of those who learn Torah for its own sake, because he makes peace in the heavenly assembly (the angels) and in the earthly assembly (
Arpelei Tohar
If I must be a man who is in conflict with the entire world because of the tendency for truth that is deep in my spirit, which does not tolerate any tendency toward falsehood, I cannot be someone else.
I must bring out from the potential to the actual only the essential foundations of truth that are hidden in my spirit, without any concern for what the world thinks with all of its value judgments.
That is the maxim of the person who seeks truth, who awakens with his supernal might. That is the might of the world. That is an eternal might that is connected to the fate of the eternity of
Chadarav, p. 146-147
How much does [my] heart sigh to love all: all creatures, all beings, all of creation, all the multitude of the things of the Maker of everything, the roots of things, life, power, the rising glory, wisdom, understanding, knowledge, beauty, eternity and beauty, the fundament and the monarchy.
How precious are Your friends, God, and how much does my heart desire to love all souls, and the beauty of the good things and finished things within them.
How pleasant and sweet are the refined spirits of those of uplifted heart, of those profound thinkers, of those with holy yearning, of those who grasp the Torah, mighty in faith, heroes of the spirit, those who create expression and poetry, those who dedicate the holy, those who beautify life and the world, how mighty are these leaders.
How beloved are the pious of the world, [whose] minds [are] filled with the emanation and beauty of holiness. How have I loved all of them together; how strong is my affection for each one of them. How glad am I for their goodness, for their honor, for their tranquility, for the delight and comfort that they find in their lives.
What is greater for me than to take part, aid, work and be active to increase the light of life, to broaden the settings [in which they are set] so that the loveliness and glory will be seen, the divine radiance of the pleasantness of love, of eternal love—which entwines its many branches, rises beyond all being and spreads out over all creation, brings into sharp relief the beloved faces, increases the knowledge, sharpens the feeling, strengthens life, strengthens the refinement and enflames the strength, fills all the breadths of the soul with a supernal might, with the might of God, with the energy of truth and light.
Chadarav, pp. 176-178
I hope for a true inner humility—which will not weaken [my] inner might with its spiritual joy, the development of its abilities and the increase of its light, but will in fact gird them.
“It is good to be of a lowly spirit with the humble” (Proverbs
Chadarav, p. 152
By means of an inclusive methodology, I will attain everything, including all particulars—particular fields of knowledge, clear judgments in halachah and in determining cases, in Talmudic argument and homiletics.
But all of these are only parenthetical. The essential thing is that I seek the light of supernal truth in all of its manifestations.
“Then shall you take delight in Hashem, and I will make you ride upon the heights of the earth, and I will feed you the inheritance of Yaacov your father, for the mouth of Hashem has spoken.”
Chadarav, p. 128
How important it is for me to thoughtfully clarify my spiritual state!
[I have to consider] how much I am supposed to struggle against my feelings and the progression of my thoughts, which lead me constantly to the supernal aspect, to the elevated and the exalted, so as to gaze with holy elevation, with the foundations of supernal ethics, with the soulful breadths of the world of Emanation—whereas obligation pushes me to aspects of this-worldly action?
But to what degree can the obligation of this-worldly action push aside the august spirit? That is the question.
Chadarav, p. 128
I cannot deny my inner desire, the essential desire of [my] soul, which is constantly revealed from the depths of my heart, which is a faithful desire, filled with trembling.
And this trembling is filled with the might of holiness, because I tremble for the word of Hashem.
The fear of heaven is my speech and my inner essential musing; all of my wellsprings are [immersed] in it.
Society, environment and a life of deeds lie on my path like stumbling stones that do not allow my holy yearning, filled with the holy light of the fear of Hashem, encompassed with an inner love, to emerge into continuous revelation, so as to be strengthened in all [of its] traits.
And behold I, whenever I come into contact with people, I come into confusion, and the concealment of the content of the fear [of God] grows very strong, to the point that I find myself abased and abandoned.
But my hope is in Hashem.
Chadarav, pp. 145-146
I cannot deny within myself the spirit that yearns to grasp the elevated service of raising the holy sparks [within] everything that comes into the circle of [my] activity—of all the physical necessities and all possessions that come into my contact with me and [that enter] into my boundary.
And that tranquility that comes to me, even [if only] because of a dim imagining of the holy form of this pure-hearted and holy work, fills me with strength and fortitude, [when I consider] that [these things] come to be rectified when the light of Torah and the worship [of God] are broadened in all aspects, as they branch outward.
“He makes Torah great and mighty.”
Chadarav, pp. 144-145
by Rav Avraham Yitzchak Kook
From my nature I am summoned to do everything for the sake of the deed [itself] and to speak of matters for their own sake.
For me, the variety of ulterior motives and blemishes of thought and desire are merely external things. And if I strengthen myself with great faith in the quality of the light of my soul, which is united with pure humility, I will conquer everything. Then the light of Hashem will shine on me clearly and broadly, and I will be able to speak words of truth, without any fear and without any desire to curry favor in the world.
Chadarav, p. 146
A person should not be false to his spirit. He should not deny his inner feelings because of the stormy pressure of societal assumptions.
If he feels the elevation and holiness of idea in a particular field, he should be sure to satiate himself constantly with the richness of supernal pleasures from that place that his heart desires.
And I—who am so filled with the consolations of God when I learn the secrets of the Torah—even when I feel myself exceedingly bare, my hands will not weaken. I must strengthen myself, even though it is impossible not to give this-worldly concerns the attention that they require, both in regard to the aspect of this-worldly well-being and in regard to the aspect of the basic obligation to study the Torah and attain its knowledge in all fields.
Chadarav, pp. 102-103
May my heart not fall even if my thoughts are considered fantastical. [Even then,] when such imagination turns to holiness and morals, it is useful and necessary. And who knows the real truth amongst human beings—whose thoughts are vanity?
Each one of us can only develop the ability of his spirit in the way of light, truth and goodness—every individual in accordance with the root of the tendency of his soul.
And since I feel my inner tendency in the content of my thoughts, which pour and well forth within me at every moment—and in particular at a time of speaking [with] and influencing [others]—behold, that is my portion and inheritance.
Although I must strengthen myself in the other parts of the Torah, and in particular in practical halachah, it is impossible and unnecessary to go against the nature of my spirit.
Chadarav, pp. 110-111
If I express myself in extravagant terms, if I speak exaggerations, do these really contain falsehood? I am revealing the thought of my soul, I am uncovering the lights of my spirit!
And the revelations of lights and the uncovering of the soul constitute a creation of great worth. I stand upon the peak of “the remnant of
Chadarav, pp. 111-112
When I am not engaged in Torah, it is not out of carelessness but out of inner yearnings for the goodness of Hashem in the secrets of the Torah, for a supernal connection. “My soul has desired in the shadow of Your hand to know every mystery of your secret.”
Many indeed are the obstacles that keep me from actualizing the depth of holiness in my soul, but I will not allow that to step off my path. It shall be called the path of holiness, and the supernal Torah is the source of my delights, and that will bring me the blessing of the Torah, and depth of piety, and the humility of the just, the light of strength and elevation.
And my heart will be opened to succeed in the truth of the light of Hashem, and pray on behalf of every individual who groans and is oppressed, for every individual who needs compassion, for the entire world, for the generation, for the rejected souls, for every sorrow and lack, and my eyes will be illumined to feel the suffering of the world, the suffering of God’s Presence, with a good consciousness, with an understanding of Hashem.
And I will rejoice in Hashem, I will be happy in the God of Israel, the God of my salvation, the God who girds me with might and makes my feet like [those of a] deer, to “conquer with my songs.”
And as to the fact that my thoughts are oppressed, that the desires and longings come to me out of sequence, higher than my level, there is no reason to fear that, for that is the complexion of the generation, and of myself in particular—for I must unite everything: all feelings, all knowledge, fields of study, images, speeches, facts, poems and rhetoric, stories and halachot, aggadot and parables. And my mind must turn to the nation and to each individual, and gaze upon supernal sights, and know the lowest depths in order to raise pearls from there, sapphire and emeralds.
Despite all my poverty and impoverishment, I must know that the stance of my soul is a wonder, and all the various factors in my state of being.
And for all of them I will thank Hashem and rejoice in the gift of my portion, and I will strengthen and invigorate myself to serve Him, for the sake of His name with love, with a great mindfulness, and with a tendency for ultimate truth, for the sake of a love of the holy, the elevated, the good and the straight, to bring from the potential into actuality precious qualities, to turn the masses away from sin, to increase the light of supernal lovingkindness on His nation and upon all of His creations.
Chadarav, p. 116
How much does delving into details of halachah and subtle Talmudic thought at times cloud my spirit, which that yearns for great things and general principles.
Nevertheless, I must overcome [this] and properly prepare myself so as to be competent clarify halachah and, at times, engage in normative Talmudic disputation. This is because ultimately a person should not differ from the custom of his place. It is a restriction [that comes from] the proper “way of the land” not to be awake among those who are sleeping, nor asleep among those who are awake.
And when a person accepts some limitation due to this restriction of “the way of the land,” then spiritual breadth comes to his spirit from the aspect of the great concept stored in the totality of that trait of “the way of the land,” which [has the property of] rectifying the general culture of human beings.
Chadarav, p. 131
Even if I feel a taste of spiritual bitterness when I study the secrets of the Torah, my heart will not fear.
I will increase my constancy and clinging in thought, until the bitter waters become sweet, as sweet as honey in my mouth.
Chadarav, pp. 108-109
One may not withhold the mystical imagination, which is the secret of creation.
Mystical thought causes new souls to sprout, redeemed souls, souls that redeem, messianic souls.
Within [this] secret of secrets, the hiddden and the revealed unite. From the concealed source, the revealed and exposed are blessed; all of the cultures of society are blessed from the source of straightness hidden within the depths of the secrets.
And I—behold, I yearn for the blossoming from Hashem, for the light of salvation to appear. I will not turn back upon my path, even though many are my enemies, those who rise against me.
But more than all my enemies, I myself rise against myself. My smallness rises up against my greatness. The degradation of my spirit berates its glory.
But my glory will not bow its head in fear of the shadows of smallness. Although [those shadows] may stretch themselves out a great deal, they are only shadows. And where the sun shines its light, they will flee.
Chadarav, pp. 108-109
How great is my inner struggle. My heart is filled with an exalted and broad spiritual yearning.
I want the divine felicity to constantly spread within my entire being—not because of the pleasure of that delight, but because this is how it should be, because this is the state of reality, because this is the substance of life.
And I am always sighing, roaring from my inner essence with a great voice: give me the light of God, the delight of the living God and His play, the great appearance of the visitation of the palace of the King of the world, God, the God of my father, to Whose love I am dedicated with all my heart, the fear of Whom elevates me.
My soul rises ever higher, it transcends all lowliness—the smallness and limitations that a life of nature, of the body, limited by environment and social mores, oppressed within manacles, completely put in chains.
But a flow of obligations [then] ensues: endless [exoteric Torah] studies [with all its details], confusions of ideas and the emergence of intricate arguments born of an exacting examination of letters and words. [This] comes and surrounds my soul, which is pure, free, light as a cherub, pure as the essence of heaven, flowing like a sea of light.
I am not yet able to gaze from beginning to end and thus understand the felicitous message [of such study], to feel the sweetness of each detailed insight, to look with light within the areas of darkness of the world.
And so I am filled with pains, and I hope for salvation and light, for supernal exaltation, for the appearance of knowledge and light, and for the flow of the dew of life even within those narrow conduits, from which I may draw sustenance and be sated, so as to delight in the felicity of Hashem, so as to recognize the pure, ideal Will, that which is elevated and hidden, the supernal might, which fills every letter and point of a letter, every halachic contention and complex argument.
“And I shall play in Your commandments that I have loved.” “And I shall speak of Your laws.”
Chadarav, p. 129
There is no doubt that I must pay attention to my inner sense of which parts of the Torah are particularly necessary for me and congruent with the needs of my soul. This is the case even though I shouldn’t [allow myself to] be drawn after [these parts] entirely, [since] it is sometimes necessary to battle with one’s feelings.
[Still, I have to know that] there is a reason that [my] inner spirit is roused to pull me to hidden, [kabbalistic] teachings—even matters beyond my level and degree.
Indeed, “the heart of a wise man knows a time and a judgment,” “to know how to sustain the tired person with words.”
Chadarav, p. 105
Being by nature a person of aggadah and of mysticism, I have no need to [look with] envy [upon] the portions of halachah and the revealed Torah.
Nevertheless, I am also summoned and obligated [learn] those areas [of the Torah], for it is not without cause that Hashem graced me with ability [to study] them as well.
But I must know my measure, so that I will grow depressed regarding the slightness of my portion in revealed matters (even though in aggadah and in the hidden I am [also] very poor and impoverished).
I must remain firm, because the cause of this imperfection of mine is that a multiplicity of areas constantly draws me in every direction, so it is my nature to taste a little of each matter. So if I am weak in the revealed Torah and halachot, that is caused by my inner attraction to aggadah and the hidden.
This phenomenon of my capacity is particularly apparent at a time of settled [but] unrehearsed speech with people who are qualified for [such discussion], as well as at every moment that [my] spirit is awakened. Then I find within myself a hidden treasure, which must be my consolation even in a time of concealment and great darkness.
“When I sit in darkness, Hashem is my light.”
Chadarav, pp. 103-104
